Living in denial.....:(

He's gone and he's not coming back. I wish, with everything that I am, that it weren't true. But dad's gone.


As I write this blog post, I'm reminded of the stories my mom and aunts told me of a 6year old me; of how I'd often hide in waiting for my father while he tried to sneak away from home, undetected. I was that kid; the kind who ran after 'daddy' as he was leaving home. But I suppose most children are like that. Teens?? Not so much! During those awkward years, 'daddy' became just 'dad' and the mere thought of being seen with him in public, embarrassed me. As a young adult, well.....lets just skip to the part where he dies and I go on a rampage. I'm back to being a child and go out looking for him.


I was with a man at the time, a gentleman I'd known since university and I'd tell him, "babe, I want you to be like my 'father' was to me". He'd always reply, "I can't do that, babe". And I was crushed. I was jobless at the time. But things changed when I got a job at Alistair Logistics and met its owner.

To begin with, I wasn't initially drawn to Alistair James (he scared the bejesus out of me! But to be fair, I'd earned a 'hard' stare from him after playing 'hooky' the day he arrived at the office). Anyways, after working with him for a couple of months, I realized a few things; Mr. James wasn't an easy man to please (he had the intensity of a thunderstorm), his energy was in everything he owned (which was the entire company. It was infectious), and last but not least....he was kind and down to earth! He also reminded me of someone (an uncle I had when I was a child) who'd tease me till I was beside myself with laughter; a father in spirit.

Little me had found 'daddy' again! But then I got fired and my new found father was gone too. It's been about 5months since I got sacked, but that loss has finally hit home as well. I'm no longer 6years old. I'm a 29year old woman and can't keep running after 'daddy'. I can't keep living in denial! I have to grow up! And to get me started, I'm going to grab a beer! Just kidding, I'm more of a 'joint' kinda girl....but can't do that cause it makes me crazy! So I'll work on getting myself some money and out of my mom's pantry sized bedroom!


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